explaining anxiety is the fucking worst because you feel like an idiot for being bothered by the things that bother you but it’s such an intense fear right at your core so you have to go through all of these other levels of yourself to try and get someone else to understand it
sexhowls said: Hello Trista. I have been following you for a while and I want to say that I enjoy reading your works a lot. You have a very beautiful way of writing, and to me, your poetry is very relatable. I do have a question though. You seem to write a lot about heartbreak and losing lovers, and seeing as my boyfriend recently broke up with me (which I am having a very hard time dealing with), I wondered if you have some advice or wise words on how not to linger or get past it faster. Thank you in advance.
We’re not friends, you and I, but in your reading you have gathered a lot of very personal information about me and so it’s like we’re almost friends. And because we’re almost friends, I feel like I can say this to you straight without all the sugar-coating and the formal, flowery posturing that comes with poetry.
It is not easy. It takes as long as it takes and sometimes that seems like too long. When people dig themselves under your skin, sometimes it takes a little bit of effort to get them out. Here’s my Break-Up To Do list.
- Feel it. (Be sad or relieved or angry or whatever you have to be. Feel whatever you are feeling. Embrace it. Cry a little or cry a lot. Let your body do what it wants to do. Stay in bed if you need to stay in bed. Wallow if you need to wallow. If you don’t let yourself express your feelings properly now, it’ll just happen unexpectedly later. You will be ten thousand miles away in another country with new friends and you will not have heard from them in months but then that song will come on the radio and just like that you are broken. Try to avoid this.)
- Other people feel this too. (Feeling like you are the only person on the planet who has been hurt as badly as you have been hurt is a lonely place to be. As bad as whatever you are feeling feels like, someone else has been there. Find out who they are. Find out what they’ve done to move through it. Pick up a book, find a movie, poetry, music, whatever resonates with you. I end up listening to A LOT of Taylor Swift. Girl’s got feelings.)
- Attempting understanding. (Look, we all try not to make the phone call, but if you’re gonna do it, get it over with. You need some kind of closure? Grab it. But hear me out: if you don’t get it, it’s not the worst thing in the world. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter WHY things ended. It just matters that things ended. If your partner won’t hand you the reasons on a platter, you’ll figure them out later. You don’t need anything from them. You are capable of breaking and healing on your own.)
- Breathing. (It’s time to get out of bed now. If you have been on the floor, it is time to get up. Do your laundry. Shower. Exfoliate. Eat breakfast every day. Go to bed at a reasonable time. Get up in the morning. It’s time to take care of yourself. You have to show yourself a little love now, or at least a little kindness. You are deserving of it. There will not always be someone else there to give it to you.)
- Go out. (I know you don’t want to. I don’t want to either. It has to be done. You can go out by yourself and try something new. You can go out with friends and do something you know you enjoy. You can accept a date if you think you want to, but you might not be ready for that. I’m not sure there will be a point when you are ready for that. It just happens. Let it happen if you want it to. I know that it sounds cliché to say: get out and try new things! but it helps. Take a writing class. Start getting really enthusiastic about art. Make something. Do something. You should have fun. Why don’t you think you deserve to have fun? Blow off some steam. You know you’ve been building some up.)
That’s it. You just keep doing what you’re doing until one day you realize you’re not following steps anymore. You’re just living. There is no quick fix. Some times will be faster than others. Sometimes you will be happy and just finished with everything in two days. Sometimes you will be repeating steps over and over.
As much as you may want to avoid friends/family in the beginning of it, don’t stash yourself away for long. Take time if you need it, but the only way to move through this is to actually move through it. Other people can help you with that.
I indulge in a LOT of female driven pop music when I’m sad because it is uplifting sure, but also because 90% of the time, these girls are singing exactly what you need to hear. Even if it’s silly sounding. Even if it’s embarrassing. PUT IT ON.
Sometimes I like to throw in that whole chameleon thing that people do. Make changes. Consider this step 3.5 if you want to. If you gain some understanding about why things ended, actively try to adapt/make changes to prevent those things in the future. And if you don’t gain any understanding, make changes anyway. Fresh start. Drink a lot of wine. Cut your hair. Change your clothes. Something will make you feel good.
I am sort of obligated to say that my first collection of poetry (Honeybee) is basically exclusively about dealing with a break up and learning to let go and if you’re interested, it will be available July 15th.
but in the meantime, some things for step 2-
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Leaving (What I Can Tell You About Leaving)
we both know you’re gonna find this anyway
feel some feelings
What I Would Tell You If I Were Not Stubborn
I Got A Letter From Your Sister
fuck you though
fuck you though pt. 2
feel some more feelings
no I mean it like 100% go cry
my mother says this works
but specifically this
emphasis on “life’s too short for this”
fuck you for real pt. 3
this was a serious help to me like four years ago
the fact that this even exists
The One That Got Away (Because She Had To)
listen to this like seventy times on repeat
In the immortal words of Hilary Duff: “If it’s over, let it go and come tomorrow, it will seem so yesterday, so yesterday.”